If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
