I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
