so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
