low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
