sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
