hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize