I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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