I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
