i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
