There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
