By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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