I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
