I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
