Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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