I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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