i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
