The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
