last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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