the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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