worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my poor anus
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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