I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize