You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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