Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
