I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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