the condom got lost in my hair
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
