ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
