i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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