I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
