don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
