she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
