Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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