I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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