she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
