Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
