I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wear drunk well.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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