I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
