She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize