If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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