I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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