Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
