need another drink. this is the easiest way
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
