Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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