Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize