yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
