Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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