highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
