We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
