Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You need Xanax blowdarts
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
