U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Say something about gay babies.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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