Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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