Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
