Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
