I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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