I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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