Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize