im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
