this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i will never coherently bang her
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
