I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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