did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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