just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize