I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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