just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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