They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
