Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
