while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
