Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize