He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
