She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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