Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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