whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
