i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
