Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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