I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
