I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
