i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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