U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
