I skipped work to stalk him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
