Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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