easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize