Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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