DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
