They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
