Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
