While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
