So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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