this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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