Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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