can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
