I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
