If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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