So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
