I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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