Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
