i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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