you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
