I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
