Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Randomize
