Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
