My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
