I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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