I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize