To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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