I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
