I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize