He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
