I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
