By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hippo gnu deer
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
