I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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