i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
