like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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