tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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