I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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