We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
