We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
