just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
