i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize