Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
